It feels really great, after you've been single for longer that you wanted, to finally meet someone you can feel safe enough to fall in love with. Therefore, it comes as quite a shock when down the track, you realise that you're no longer "in love" with the same person who you thought you'd be with for a lifetime.
At first, it seems confusing, worrying and perhaps even embarrassing to admit that your feelings have changed; after all, it's supposed to be happy ever after, right?
Is it normal to no longer want to have sex with your partner?
Over time, you may have even got to the stage of feeling downright disconnected, even empty, lonely and bored; perhaps even depressed. Then the whole of life felt like you were under a permanent cloud with no joy left in anything and nothing to look forward to other than drudgery.
Many relationships end up this way because people fall into a very common way of relating to each other that they have absolutely no conscious awareness of until it's pointed out to them.
This way of relating is called co-dependency and it can be defined as:
"I need someone who needs me"
Chances are, you went into the relationship either looking for someone who could meet your emotional needs, or someone you could save (or both!); in fairytales this is called: "someone who completes me."
When you found that "someone", it was as if your dreams had come true. You felt a sense of elation, joy, relief, peace and completion. You never imagined you could feel so good!
Those difficult feelings you're struggling with are symptoms that something within you that needs to heal. It's your own mind that's holding deep-seating beliefs that are causing you pain. Awareness is the first step to understanding that you're actually more in control than you realise and addressing the problem directly will actually give you more relief and inner peace than the "fix" of yet another new relationship and the high that comes with that.
Therapy is a great way to work through your relationship issues so that you can gain courage and confidence to tackle what needs to be addressed in your relationship, safely and effectively.
If you are depressed, demoralised and lacking in confidence, an experienced therapist can help you to work through these issues and develop a plan for making your relationship really work.
The most effective course of action is for you to go to your local GP and ask for a Mental Health Care Plan and a referral to a reputable and experienced Clinical Psychologist.
Under the Medicare scheme introduced in 2006, you are entitled to 10 sessions of Medicare rebated psychotherapy per calendar year. As of June 2014, you receive a $124.50 rebate per session.
This could be the first step to transforming your relationship into a deep and loving one that stands the test of time, rather than go through yet another breakup only to start the cycle again with someone new.
If you'd like to find out more about how to heal your relationship and your life from the chronic low mood that comes from being in a difficult relationship, I'd be happy to help! Just give me a call on: 6498 9623 to set up a time for an appointment.
Alternatively, help yourself to a copy of my free report: "What To Do If You're A Professional Woman Looking For Love... But Haven't Yet Found "The One". Click on the link here to get a copy.
I've have created this blog to help you clarify and resolve pressing issues you are currently struggling with. I hope that you find the following advice useful but remember to contact your preferred mental health professional for help in implementing some of these strategies.