One of the best feelings on this earth is when you are madly, deeply, in love with your man. When you’re in it, it feels like it will last forever and you both make plans to make sure it stays that way.
However, more often than not, that feeling fades away within 6 months to 2 years, especially if you overdo it and spend way too much time together in the early stages. The more contact you have, the faster you come back down to earth.
Afterwards you’re left facing the real human being you met, with all his flaws, foibles and irritating habits. It’s at this point that you’re beginning to wonder if you’re with the “wrong” man because that “in love” feeling has gone and things have become quite boring.
Sadly, the “in love” stage is a trick that Mother Nature plays on us to ensure that we bond as a couple for long enough to raise a child.
Being in love is addictive – all these feel-good brain chemicals get released into your system, placing you on a long-lasting high. The neuro-transmitters responsible for your addiction are:
==> Dopamine: This powerful “drug” activates the reward centres of the brain and makes you feel a deep sense of pleasure as you gaze upon your lovely mate.
==> Adrenalin: Keeps the arousal and excitement high as well as sharpens your focus on the pursuit of your object of desire.
==> Oxytocin: Gives you that warm, enveloping peace and comfort following great sex, making you want to cuddle. Huge amounts of oxytocin are also released following the birth of a child or when you hug your pet, ensuring that your desire to nurture, trust and remain loyal is activated to the max. The (sort-of) equivalent male hormone is called vasopressin.
==> Beta-endorphin: A naturally occurring opiate that induces feelings of pleasure, resistance to pain, euphoria and dependency on a partner.
==> Anandamide: The “bliss” neurotransmitter generates motivation and pleasure (it can also be found in raw cacao!)
==> Phenylethylamine: Is produced during the infatuation stage and promotes elevated mood, alertness, confidence, openness to risk and a state of excitement. Levels also spike at orgasm and ovulation (found in raw cacao!)
==> Opiods: The euphoria of being “truly, madly, deeply” in love is very similar to a cocaine high, giving rise to a sense of being “addicted” to your mate.
Our biology can’t maintain this romantic “high” forever, so progressing from the “in love” stage to the “in reality” stage can feel like quite a disappointment.
From this point, it becomes each person’s responsibility to consciously create loving attitudes and behaviours towards their partner; this is difficult to maintain when you have a busy life and are under pressure from so many stressors.
If one or both of you neglects the responsibility of doing the personal growth necessary to maintain the love and freshness in your relationship, then a pervasive sense of boredom creeps in until you realise that you've fallen “out of love” with your mate.
The primary symptom of this state is experienced as a loss of sexual desire for him, which in turn acts as a barometer of the emotional health of your relationship.
However, there are many creative ways to bring your relationship back to life if you’re willing to make a commitment to work through the issues.
This is especially true if your relationship has the following qualities:
However, your relationship is in deep trouble if one or both of you experience the following:
You may think that learning some “strategies” in couples’ therapy will give you the answers, but it will not. The reality is that there’s only one way that works and that is for each of you to take responsibility for doing your own personal development work (either individually or as a couple) because that way you can have a more lasting, fulfilling connection that doesn't grind to a halt in emotional gridlock.
I explain all of this in more depth in my free report: "What To Do If You're A Professional Woman Looking For Love... But Haven't Yet Found "The One". Click on the link here to get yourself a copy
I've have created this blog to help you clarify and resolve pressing issues you are currently struggling with. I hope that you find the following advice useful but remember to contact your preferred mental health professional for help in implementing some of these strategies.